


and i've found some scars in places i have never shown (to anyone)

by dogf1ght



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, No sex though, Sweet Little Dudes, also the boys are teenagers which is why i marked it underage, and petes not very philosophical, anyway, basically mikey talking abt dysphoria, but its mostly hinted at, hes just right, i cant write smut tbh, its not like "hi im mikey i have a dick but im not a boy sheesh what shall i do", like meeeee, non-binary mikey way, referenced self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3635559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogf1ght/pseuds/dogf1ght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Pete's philosophies, people are side effects of other people's life journeys, things that may (and do) happen to us because of other events. </p><p>In Mikey's life, they've had a lot of side effects, and Pete is the best damn one they've ever had to deal with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i've found some scars in places i have never shown (to anyone)

Mikey's breaths are slow and heavy. They're still shaken from their anxiety attack in the shower an hour earlier, staring at their brother's razor from the end of the tub. They kept looking from their dick to the razors to the shower head to the "DON'T EVEN" written in sharpie on the ceiling. Gerard said it was from an art project awhile ago. There's no point in questioning their older brother, they don't have that kind of energy anymore.

 

Suddenly, they hear an "ow, _fuck_ " whispered into the darkness and soon enough, a small and totally steady wild Pete appears at the end of their bed.

 

He leans his mouth close to their ear so he doesn't have to talk loudly. No sense in getting caught now. "Come onnnnnn Mikeyway! I wanna go look at the stars and listen to some music, I just downloaded this awesome album I wanna show you! Pleaaaase!" Mikey learned two years ago there was no point in arguing. Even if they protested enough, Pete would just stay there and talk about how _pretty_ the stars were and how he'd love to see the reflection in their eyes. Pete flirted with everyone, it got people's attention and he embarrassed people to a point where he could get an entire group of people to do his bidding.  They kept saying to themselves to calm the raging crush they had on Pete. He kisses up all over on Patrick all the time, why the hell would they be any different?

 

Pete broke their train of thought. "Get your scrawny ass out of this bed, so help me Mikeyway, or else I will for you."

 

Mikey sighs. "Fine, fine. I get it. Hand me those pa-," Pete raises his eyebrows at them. "Shorts."

 

Pete smiles happily and pulls out a pair of denim shorts from the bottom right drawer. God, Mikey hates those. "I hate those," they mutter, pulling them on. 

 

"Too bad, I like them," Pete says, jumping out of a first story window with ease. He really needs to stop going that, Mikey thinks. One day he's gonna think he runs the place.

 

Oh wait.

                                                                                            /////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

 

If Pete was an idiot, Mikey was a bigger idiot for following him. It's around midnight in June, and the two are walking towards the middle of a field in an elementary school near the pair's neighborhood. The night was clearer than usual. Clear as if they were on farm land rather than a big city.

 

The grass shuffles quietly under Pete as he readjusts himself so his back hurts less. He and Mikey have been sitting under the stars for awhile, since Pete had excitedly lurched Mikey awake by jumping on their bed like a hungry cat at 5 am.

 

"Why are we here?" Mikey questions, digging the backs of their palms further into the grass. A grasshopper jumps off of their hand, startled by the sudden movement.

 

Pete sits in between Mikey's legs, leaning back on the taller person while staring upward. "Depends on what you mean. Our parents fucked and our moms birthed us from their fabulous loins, I dragged you out here to look at the stars because I hate doing it alone.."

 

Mikey cuts him off. "No like, why are we here. Right now. Why has the universe put us on this Earth at this point in time." Mikey hopes Pete has the answer. He always has the answer, and they need to know the answer. They _need to know_ why their chest has felt heavy for so long.

 

"Well, Mikeyway, the universe is strange. The universe likes to place things in certain places, why it does this, we will never know. Why we are here, we will never know," Pete attempts to answer. He just wanted to watch the stars, play some music from his tiny ipod speaker. Not explain his entire philosophical opinion about soul mates and universal placement and cosmic drawl.

 

Mikey sighs. "But I want to know," they say, sitting up (much to the dismay of Pete) and pulling out a tuft of grass to rub into their leg. They'd pick at their subtly pink fingernails, but they just painted them the day before. 

 

Pete doesn't know how to answer large questions, he never has. He's never been able to rip apart something large to find the core of what someone wants, to find the core of why someone asks the question.

 

So Pete does what he does best. He stalls until he finds an answer, any answer. 

 

Staring up at the stars, Pete Wentz asks the dreaded one word question that plagues us all into the night.

 

"Why?" he crooks his head back, looking at Mikey.

 

They sighs, pushing their hand through Pete's straightened hair. "I just feel like, I don't know, like maybe me knowing...." they pause, licking their lips and turning to the sky again. They can feel Pete's eyes staring at them intently. "Like maybe, knowing why I'm here, and knowing why I was put here, will make everything seem better. Like maybe I wouldn't feel like _pure shit_ all the time if I knew why I was here." They shrug again and resume petting Pete's hair, running their fingers through it.

 

Pete sits up, and Mikey can see him staring at them like a mother looks at her dead child in the movies. Not as if they were a lost cause, but as if Pete was the lost cause. As if he was the one who was who going down in flames, set afire due to his own emotions for the other person, rather than the person who was actually on fire.

 

Pete pushes Mikey down, cuddling up next to him and laying his head on their chest while rubbing up and down their lean stomach.

 

"Mikeyway, in the beginning, whether the big bang happened or a deity created it, or whatever the hell happened, zillions of stars were split apart. Zillions of stars for what is now billions of people. These stars, split in half, are desperately and eternally trying to find their other fifty percent, working to draw these two things together. These two halves are people and places. One lives in a person's soul, one lives in the structure in the building or the essence of a city. It is our job, as humans, to reach that place. To find our other halves. People, Mikeyway, are collateral damage. People are things that happen along the way of our journey."

 

Pete pauses and Mikey shivers as a gust of wind comes. They regrets not bringing a blanket as Pete continues talking.

 

"We are here because a cosmic entity has drawn us here, in this place to teach us something. To show us that the night can be beautiful as day, to shows us that darkness is just as beautiful as light. To teach us that even in darkness there is light, even if it is hidden. The reason, you're here on this earth, Mikeyway, is simply to exist. The universe doesn't waste, and even if it did, it wouldn't waste you just to spend so much time on you."

 

Mikey's blushing now, their cheeks flushing with red so hot they don't need a blanket anymore.

 

"You Mikeyway, are the Milky Way. It sucks sometimes, being so important to the universe and all. It sucks, that's the way the world works. But you gotta remember, if the universe wasted time, you've got an ever-lasting soul to make up for it. You've got all the time you need, babe. Take all the time you need," And with that final comment, Pete promptly falls asleep on Mikey's chest. His breath evens out, how Mikey has no idea with the pounding in their chest that they're sure California can hear.

 

Mikey clicks Pete's phone, checking the time.

 

_**3:24 am** _

 

They lean back, nudging into the grass as best they can with a heavy small Pete half-laying on them.

 

As Mikey stares at the sky, he thinks that if people were collateral damage, then Pete Wentz was the most beautiful piece of shrapnel he's ever seen.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by my drive back from Chicago last week and a conversation I had about my theories of Cosmic Drawal and soul mates with Andy (workthewentz) and my drive home through the night. Based on opposed soul mate world views and my age-old long distance connection method of choice. 
> 
> Also inspired by my love-hate relationship of Stage 4 Fear Of Trying by frnkiero andthe cellabration, which the title is taken from.


End file.
